The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
