Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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