is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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