Christians are straight up FREAKS
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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