We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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