i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
