Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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