you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
