it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
smell my finger.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
