I am puke
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
