Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
