I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Randomize
