I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
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we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
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It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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