it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
