remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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