I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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