It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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