Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize