today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
