I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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