Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
did i walk over a car last night?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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