I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You can't motorboat a personality
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
