I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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