Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
