he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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