90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
