he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
