I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
