I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
