Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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