ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think weed is turning my hair brown
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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