Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
