Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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