8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
