clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
