I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Randomize
