I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
