on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
