i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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