everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
