It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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