I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You're like the curious george of whores
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
