Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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