I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
