I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
