Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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