A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
