Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
