yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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