I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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