I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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