I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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