Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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