i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
