don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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