woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize