he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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