1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
