Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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