I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
