I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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