as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
