i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
