hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
