i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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