Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
