i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
