Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
