it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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