We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
