you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
