It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
