i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
