I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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