We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You left your phone here
Wait...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize