What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
