the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
