Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We left the knife in your bed.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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