After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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