i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
