I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
