I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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